.4. Conciseness
Conciseness is the soul of business writing. In a business message every word counts and every sentence carries the message. Business people receive many messages every day. If you overburden them with unduly long expressions and tire their eyes with excess words, they might just toss your message in the nearby wastebasket.
To make your message as concise as possible, you must:
(1) get to the heart of the message immediately and stick to the point. For example, instead of saying "I would like to take this opportunity to", begin with the information you want to convey.
(2) Strike out extra words and omit words that repeat. Never use several words when you can say the same thing with a single word. For instance, the words underlined can be omitted in the following.
during the year of 1994
costs the sum of
full and complete details
(3) Avoid phrases that say nothing, such as "I think", "I feel" and "I believe", for your reader will know that the message contains your thoughts, feelings, or beliefs.
(4) Use simpler constructions to save the reader's time. Use a word instead of a phrase and a phrase instead of a clause for the same thing.
(5) Discuss each point in a separate paragraph. Business writing can be made clearer, easier to read and more attractive to look at by careful paraphrasing. A paragraph for each point is a good rule.
Be concise without sacrificing courtesy.
2.5. Courteousness
Finally, business message must show courteousness. People respond positively to those who treat them with respect and kindness. Nothing can take the place of words like "please" and “thank you”. It should be remembered, however, that true courtesy requires more than the use of polite words and phrases. For instance, timely information with the desire to be helpful and useful is a genuinely courteous message. It will please your customer who dislikes waiting for a long time before he gets a reply to his inquiry.
A friendly and sincere tone transmits courteousness and opens the way to the pleasant transaction of business.
You may list other attributes of effective writing (creativeness). But if you can master the above mentioned Five C's: correctness, clarity, completeness, conciseness and courteousness, you'll be a competent writer of business messages.
Exercise
1. Rewrite the worn-out, trite and wordy phrases in the following sentences with fresh, more concise ones.
1. In the event that we cannot meet the deadline, we will refund your money.
2. We are reluctant to commit to that date due to the fact that our plant closes for vacation July 4—11.
3. It is not within our power to obtain the letter he has in his possession.
4. We will write to you at an early date.
5. We will furnish all the required documents.
6. Consequent upon the changes made, you will be in charge of the general office.
7. We are in receipt of your remittance in the sum of US $ 7890.
8. We hope to receive your catalogue by return mail. Thanking in advance.
9. We have duly received your order No. 68 dated March 5, for which please accept our thanks.
2. Read the following letter and tell what is used by the writer to achieve accuracy.
Dear Sirs,
Sub. Children’s Leather Shoes
We have received your letter of March 12, 2003 and the enclosure requesting quotes for the captioned shoes.
As requested, we are submitting our quotation in triplicate and are anxious for your placing your orders with us as early as possible because we have a large backlog.
We await your decision.
Yours faithfully,
Conciseness is the soul of business writing. In a business message every word counts and every sentence carries the message. Business people receive many messages every day. If you overburden them with unduly long expressions and tire their eyes with excess words, they might just toss your message in the nearby wastebasket.
To make your message as concise as possible, you must:
(1) get to the heart of the message immediately and stick to the point. For example, instead of saying "I would like to take this opportunity to", begin with the information you want to convey.
(2) Strike out extra words and omit words that repeat. Never use several words when you can say the same thing with a single word. For instance, the words underlined can be omitted in the following.
during the year of 1994
costs the sum of
full and complete details
(3) Avoid phrases that say nothing, such as "I think", "I feel" and "I believe", for your reader will know that the message contains your thoughts, feelings, or beliefs.
(4) Use simpler constructions to save the reader's time. Use a word instead of a phrase and a phrase instead of a clause for the same thing.
(5) Discuss each point in a separate paragraph. Business writing can be made clearer, easier to read and more attractive to look at by careful paraphrasing. A paragraph for each point is a good rule.
Be concise without sacrificing courtesy.
2.5. Courteousness
Finally, business message must show courteousness. People respond positively to those who treat them with respect and kindness. Nothing can take the place of words like "please" and “thank you”. It should be remembered, however, that true courtesy requires more than the use of polite words and phrases. For instance, timely information with the desire to be helpful and useful is a genuinely courteous message. It will please your customer who dislikes waiting for a long time before he gets a reply to his inquiry.
A friendly and sincere tone transmits courteousness and opens the way to the pleasant transaction of business.
You may list other attributes of effective writing (creativeness). But if you can master the above mentioned Five C's: correctness, clarity, completeness, conciseness and courteousness, you'll be a competent writer of business messages.
Exercise
1. Rewrite the worn-out, trite and wordy phrases in the following sentences with fresh, more concise ones.
1. In the event that we cannot meet the deadline, we will refund your money.
2. We are reluctant to commit to that date due to the fact that our plant closes for vacation July 4—11.
3. It is not within our power to obtain the letter he has in his possession.
4. We will write to you at an early date.
5. We will furnish all the required documents.
6. Consequent upon the changes made, you will be in charge of the general office.
7. We are in receipt of your remittance in the sum of US $ 7890.
8. We hope to receive your catalogue by return mail. Thanking in advance.
9. We have duly received your order No. 68 dated March 5, for which please accept our thanks.
2. Read the following letter and tell what is used by the writer to achieve accuracy.
Dear Sirs,
Sub. Children’s Leather Shoes
We have received your letter of March 12, 2003 and the enclosure requesting quotes for the captioned shoes.
As requested, we are submitting our quotation in triplicate and are anxious for your placing your orders with us as early as possible because we have a large backlog.
We await your decision.
Yours faithfully,