To be a volunteer ，Bring a ray of sunshine
    陳天悅
    山東省濟(jì)南市山東省齊鋼高級中學(xué)高三4班
    Dear Tom:
    It is a great pleasure for me to have the wondeful chance to put pen to paper and send my greetings to you. You said that you wanted to be a volunteer and didn't know whether you should or not. I want to help you analyse it.
    In my opinion. I think it is not noly a good chance to help others but also a good opportunity to make selp-improvement. You'd better participate in the volunteer work. If we compane youth to flouers, as is often the case, then the young volunteers are the most beautiful flowers. By joining in the vounteer work, you will leam how to help others and how to love others. What's more you can also find it out that there are many people suffering from disaster and then you will value your comfortable life. Although you may feel very tired as a volunteer and it may cost you much time to help others, I still insist that you should be a volunteer because the advantages bright about by volunteer work overweigh the disadvantages.
    It all the people refused to be volunteers, the people suffered from the may 12 earthquake could lose heart and most of them wouldn't have the chance to survive from that disaster. If none of the people wanted to be a volunteer, the Beijing olympic Games would be a failure. If every people didn't feel like being a volunteer, there would be no people cleaning the environment and protecting the beautiful scenery automatically. It was terrible! From all mentioned above, volunteers play a very important part in our daily life. To be a volunteer will gain glory for China. As is brow to all, Chinese children are always laughed at for lack of practice. So to be a volunteer is a good chance to canpensate for it.
    From my point of view, it's high time that you became a volunteer and learned to help others. If everyone makes a contribution to helping others, the world will be much more beautiful!
    At last, wish you all the best!
    Yours sincerely.
    Lily.
    專家建議：
    一篇文章的結(jié)構(gòu)是評判該文章優(yōu)劣的重要參考標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，但結(jié)構(gòu)顯然不夠簡潔清晰，所以建議作者能在平時(shí)多閱讀英文報(bào)紙上的文章，有意識地觀察規(guī)范的英語文章是怎樣設(shè)計(jì)結(jié)構(gòu)的。
    專家點(diǎn)評：
    文章二三段的結(jié)構(gòu)很混亂，建議這樣的文章段落都應(yīng)寫成總、分、總的形式更能突出文章的邏輯性，并在“分”的部分也一條一條分開寫，而不是都堆在一段內(nèi)，讓人分不清哪句是觀點(diǎn)哪句是論證，很混亂。另外注意同義詞的替換已是文章表達(dá)更豐富，比如文章中多次出現(xiàn)的幫助他人就都是使用：help others就顯得過于單一了~