Volunteer — A bridge to Friendship
    金倩男
    遼寧省本溪市本溪市高級(jí)中學(xué)高三15班
    In recent years, “volunteer” become a more and more popular word among people all over the world, especially in China. Thanks to so many volunteers can we made so many events smoothly. In a nutshell, I think volunteer is a bridge to friendship between people to people and country to country.
    Volunteers can be a bright light to those who are in the dark difficulty. A case in point is the May 12 earthquake. The earthquake left thousands of homeless people, causihg a big problem to both the country and the victims themselves. It's them — the light brhger — volunteers, who came to the front line, so that the victims can see the bright future.
    Volunteer actions are of tremendous benifits not only to the people in need, but also to the society. According to a latest survey, there are about 1,700,700 people took part in the volunteering jobs. But for their great devotion, we couldn't have held the 2008 Olympic Games successfully.
    Volunteers believes that the happiest people in the world are those help to bring hapiness to others. People in other countries see the volunteer spirt in the organisational ability and the individual charmihg.
    The world witness the spread spirit of Chinese volunteers. Only in the way that all the nations unit together, offering help to each other can we do wonders and creat a harmonous society. And what's more, we should encourage more youths join such good things.
    In the end, we can come to an conclusion that volunteer work is a bridge to friendship, which does benifits to both the individuals and the nation. So, let's join it today, OK?
    專家建議：
    建議作者寫作文要盡量做到言之有物。寫作文是為了表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)，不能被“語(yǔ)言”綁架；運(yùn)用較多的詞匯與搭配卻在邏輯方面很混亂，沒(méi)有設(shè)計(jì)好要交代的內(nèi)容。希望作者平時(shí)進(jìn)一步擴(kuò)充英語(yǔ)閱讀量，多讀權(quán)威英語(yǔ)報(bào)刊，有意識(shí)地觀察好的英語(yǔ)文章是如何兼顧內(nèi)容充沛，語(yǔ)言到位，邏輯清晰的。
    專家點(diǎn)評(píng)：
    文章的主題既然是“志愿者活動(dòng)——友誼之橋”，就要圍繞志愿者與友誼來(lái)寫，可文章二至五段都沒(méi)有緊扣住主題。而且段與段之間沒(méi)有銜接，給人感覺(jué)是沒(méi)有構(gòu)思好，想到哪寫到哪。建議以后寫作前先列好提綱，注重文章宏觀的把握。